Smart House Update

Today we lost hot water completely. The gas board says it's a plumbing problem. The plumber says it's an electrical problem. A long list of electricians have made it very clear they do not want to even look at it. In the meantime, I'm considering joining a gym to get access to a hot shower.

Smart House - One
Me- Nil

The Revenge of the Smart House.

Who was to know that my house was aware that ‘revenge is a dish best served cold.’ My regular reader(s) may recall that about 18 months ago we moved into a smart house, trained to anticipate our every desire and programmed to open doors, switch on lights and even, if required, phone the fire brigade. Things went swimmingly till one day it locked me out and had the audacity to smirk at my discomfort. My response was to decree a lobotomy for the smart house (see, you don’t wanna mess with me!) and things have been quiet ever since.

Little did I know that it was just lulling me into a false sense of security. The one smart system left in place was the water thermostat. Turn on the shower and water comes out at 41 degrees, not too hot, not to cold, just nice. Until yesterday. Now we have water coming out at a blistering 55 degrees or a chilling 15 degrees. I am not amused. The gas man has been to visit and shrugged his shoulders. He’s sending the electrician in the fullness of time. This has brought to mind the old Flanders and Swan song, “The Gas Man Cometh.”

I’m a great fan of comic songs and monologues. So, does your chewing gum lose its flavour on the bedpost overnight? What’s your favourite comic song?

Flanders and Swann Online - At the Drop of Another Hat - The Gas Man Cometh

Flanders and Swann Online - At the Drop of Another Hat - The Gas Man Cometh

In case you can't recall the words in their splendid entirety, here's the link to the lyrics of The Gas Man Cometh.

Is there intelligent life on Earth? Yes, but he's only visiting.

Others may aspire to being a Bond girl but not me. I have a loftier goal. Now that Billie Piper is forever stranded in an alternate reality I can apply to become the next Doctor Who companion.

There is a precedent. Wasn't William Hartnell's first televised TARDIS trip in the company of a rather plain looking school teacher? Let's go full circle then.

Dr Who was the first tv programme that made any sort of impact on me. So scary that it was necessary to watch it from behind the sofa. I have remained a science fiction fan to this day.

Who's my favourite Doctor? Tom Baker still has the edge. Christopher Eccleston was impressive. The jury is still out on DT.

Your opinions welcomed. What was the first TV show you remember?

Victory

A word of thanks to the West Coast Eagles for providing such an entertaining grand final. Their ultimate victory (by a single point) over the Sydney Swans greatly enhanced my Saturday, so thanks guys.

I am sure that my friends are somewhat mystified by these remarks as I have never previously shown any interest in Aussie Rules Footy or any other sport for that matter. My reasoning is as follows: when is absolutely the best time to go to the Perth Royal Show? During the Grand Final, of course, when almost every other person in the entire state is at home glued to their TV set. The only excuse for not viewing the game on TV is that you are already in Melbourne cheering the team on in person. So it was just me and a few dozen foreign tourists for the duration. Guaranteed no queues and plenty of space to amble round and admire the work of Geraldton's quilting champion or Kalbarri's finest fruit cake.

It's a technique I've used before to great effect. During Lady Di's wedding to Charlie Windsor I was the only person shopping on Newport High Street. When West Ham played Arsenal in the cup final I left my flat in Upton Park (spitting distance from the grounds) and spent the day on the pier at Southend. I'm hoping the Ashes captures the local imagination in the months to come leaving me with deserted shops for days on end.